10 different ways to ask "how was your day?"

It’s back to school time! Do you always ask how was your day? But never get an answer. Do you want to know more about your child but are having trouble finding ways to get them to open up?

I have this difficulty with my oldest daughter due to a developmental delay. These are some of the questions I ask her to help peek inside her world and understand her better.

My experience

My mother always asked us “how was your day?” I always just said “good” because I thought that’s what she wanted to hear. I never considered it was an actual question but just a socially influenced question like “how are you?” Later in my teen years, I would answer it sarcastically “great” or honestly “sucked.” All of these answers are one-word patent answers that never really said what I was thinking, feeling, or going through during my day. I was just summing it up without explanation.

I now know that she genuinely wanted to know how my day went. She cared about the experience that I had in her absence. I was not emotionally intelligent enough to be aware of this. I don’t think I was completely aware of all the feelings or thoughts I had at the time either. Fast forward to the present.

Where I am actively working on recovery and trying to parent my children in a positive and emotionally intelligent way. I want them to know that I am interested in their day. I want them to be able to have specific prompts from me that reflect the thoughtfulness and combat the dreaded “good” or ” fine” response.

It might not be imperative to know the specifics of your kindergarteners day but it will be when they are a teen. Having open communication now will make it that much easier when you need to have serious conversational about peer pressure, drug use, sex etc. So these are my prompts in the order of which I like to use them.

1. What made you laugh today?

I love this question because it can be as simple as “so and so” or as complex as a story of what made them laugh.

2. What did you learn today (in a certain subject)?

This was another thing my mom would ask me, but without the subject. I usually stated “nothing” or “I don’t know.” Unless I found something particularly interesting I didn’t want to think about school or subjects or learning I just wanted to go home.

With the addition of the subject, your child doesn’t become quite as overwhelmed. You still might get a pat answer but the actual questions are not what’s important. What’s important is having an honest and caring dialog with your child.

3. What was your favorite story a friend told?

Elementary school students have an active and vivid imagination. Often times they exaggerate or sometimes flat out lie but it’s always a good story. Asking your child this question can help you dispell myths and help your child with certain social situations that might come up with lying.

4. What was your favorite thing a teacher said?

This is a sneaky way to ask what your child is learning. Asking what they are talking about can help you understand what they are being told outside of education as well. I had many teachers go off on political tangents that were unrelated to any subject we were talking about. I also had teacher’s talk about helping others and about their families. Tiny minds are easily influenced so you need to know what is being told to them.

Side note: I am not a helicopter mom, but I am that mom that will advocate for her child when needed.

5. What did you have for lunch?

Even if you packed your child’s lunch this is a good question. You will only know what was provided to them, but not what they actually ate. If you ask what they had, you are knowing what they are eating. You can also talk about their likes and dislikes of certain foods. Or praise them for trying new food.

6. What games did you play at recess?

I remember getting into the most mischief at recess. There was only one teacher to how many students and they often had their attention elsewhere. I never got in trouble but I am sure that my teachers would disapprove of many of the things we got into. Along with helping your child with behaviors, recess is dominated by social situations.

So, if your child is on the autism spectrum or has other special needs, this might be one of the most difficult parts of their day. When you ask them what games they played you may be able to help them with social cues that were going on. Encouraging development in this area is beneficial for anyone. So it doesn’t hurt to help a neuro-typical child with social situations and challenges.

7. What is the most challenging thing you did today?

I had a tendency to feel defeated at school. I didn’t understand math like other kids and everyone around me seemed to understand concepts I couldn’t comprehend. My parents were aware of these challenges but were often unhelpful because they were busy with their own stuff. I remember thinking I would never understand how to read a clock or subtract. I would have found it extremely helpful to have someone praise me for the effort I did put into trying to learn.

Instead, I just felt like I was being told, even though I didn’t understand how something was taught I just needed to try harder. So use this question as an opportunity for praise as well as learn where your child might need some extra help or attention.

8. What was the most fun part of your day?

This is another lighthearted question that is intended to get a story out of your child. Similarly to asking “what made you laugh?” Most young children will probably say recess or lunch. If you follow that up with some why? Or how? Questions you will be getting your kid talking in no time.

9. Did you make a new friend?

As an actively involved parent, I want to know who is hanging out with my children. Like I mentioned earlier, young minds are very malleable. Although I don’t blame children for adult situations they are sometimes put in. I don’t want those situations to be going on around my child without understanding or explanation from me.

Sometimes your child just has a different “friend” every day and that’s okay too. Just being interested in your child’s social life will show care and concern. Your child will also be more open to input from you about their friends.

10. Did you help someone today?

This is a question that is intended to support altruism in your child. Just like adults children get a good feeling when they help someone. Often times though, helping someone might mean breaking social rank. Or going outside of their clique. Encourage this anyways, popularity is fleeting. If your child is friendly with everyone they might end up having the most positive social experience. Even if it isn’t with the “in crowd.”

Even if they do get backlash for helping a child being picked on, what we want to teach our children is to do the right thing even when it’s hard. That’s my list of 10 ways how to ask “how was your day?” Some of these questions are going to be more geared towards a younger school-aged child since my youngest is only in kindergarten this year. A little adaptation to each question can be used for all ages.