10 Ways to Help Your Special Needs Child at the Doctors

All kids have difficulty with going to the doctors, getting vaccines, going to the dentist, or having necessary procedures. Gaining the cooperation of a special needs child can be often more difficult than any other, these are ways you can use to help your special needs child at the doctors (or anywhere else).

I have experience with my daughter who has autism with a lot of these challenges. The dentist, the doctor’s office, anywhere she is going to be challenged can end up being a battle of wills. For the sake of clarity in my post, I am just going to use the term doctors but these can work for the dentist or anywhere really.

The ultimate goal for my special needs child at the doctors is to not have to hold her down, or restrain her as no one wants that and although sometimes has been necessary it is the goal of this post to give you lots of options to work through before and during the appointment or procedure that will prevent this harmful practice.

The other day we had to take my oldest to the ER, she was lethargic, had a fever, and was complaining of belly pain for a couple of days. We called her primary care doctor who had no more appointments that day. They told us to go to urgent care. Upon taking her to urgent care they wanted her to go to the ER because they were afraid it was appendicitis. A lot of special needs kids can have impaired senses of pain overreacting or under-reacting so I understood their concern and we all headed over to the emergency room.

Most of this list comes from the things I used for her to be able to go through all of the testings for appendicitis (thankfully she didn’t have). It also comes from things I learned in nursing school. We worked in pediatric wards and learned about child life specialists that worked there. They helped children through play to help children understand different procedures and tests they would have to go through. As well as give them enriching activities while they were in the hospital. Now you know where I came up with this list and where you can use it, let’s get to the list.

Ways to help your special needs child at the doctors

1. Pretend Play
2. Explain the Procedure
3. Have a Buddy
4. Talk about Feelings
5. Treats Afterwards
6. Distractions
7. Take a Special Toy
8. Let the Doctor Know
9. Shared Support
10. Accommodate for Special Needs

1. Pretend Play

This is oftentimes my go-to with anything that I know will be challenging for my daughter. It offers predictability and control that a child might not feel during a procedure or appointment. Find a stuffed animal that can go into the role of your child, try to pick one that will work well with whatever procedure you’re doing. I have seen some really cool setups at children’s hospitals where they have mini MRI’s to put a stuffed animal in. Often times you can ask for the doctors to bring an extra setup to pretend to use on a stuffed animal. It might not take all the fear away but it will give them a sense of knowing what’s coming that can be comforting. Continuing with the pretend play go into my next tip.

2. Explain the procedure

Try to find a stuffed animal that can be beneficial in pretend play. Demonstrate on the animal what will happen during the procedure. They are going to take a picture of his arm with this machine, they might have to put a cast on the teddys arm. Talk about the smells, tastes, and sensations they might feel. Stress that no one is going to hurt them.

Try to make it as positive as possible, but DO NOT LIE. If the procedure is like vaccines or getting an IV that is going to hurt. Telling your special needs child that they don’t hurt can often be more confusing. They might assume that what they are feeling isn’t normal and make them more stressed. Or they might just distrust you and hurt the relationship they have with you. Either result is not going to give you more cooperation from them. If it is going to hurt you can talk about some of the ways the doctors will use to help them during the procedure so it’s less painful. For example a numbing spray before vaccines.

Another way to explain a procedure without pretend play is through watching videos of the procedure. If you don’t have a fancy pretend MRI in your living room pull out that trusty tablet and find MRI videos on YouTube. They might even have one that is for a special needs child at the doctors. Often times Children’s hospitals or other facilities have instructional videos online. They show you what will happen and answer questions the child might have about the procedure. Even something as simple as getting a dental exam is on YouTube to allow your child to have an idea of what to expect. Sometimes all of this can still not alleviate the anxiety enough to have your child cooperate, some support is what’s next on the menu.

3. Have a Buddy

Another way to help your child with special needs at the doctors is to have a buddy. I used this one when I was having extreme anxiety about an MRI. I brought someone I trusted to hold my hand. It gave me the strength I wouldn’t have had otherwise in such a fearful place for me. Often times our children are the same. You usually will not have an issue with being allowed to be with your child during a procedure. That is of course unless it is something surgical in nature. Taking X-rays, bloodwork, or ultrasounds you can come back and give your child the support they need. It’s in the best interest of everyone to have a calm and cooperative child, so no one has given me any problems.

During my daughter’s recent ER stay, I held her hand through most of the procedures. It allowed her to have the strength to be able to get through the fear and get to the other side. Which is very normal, and healthy so talk about those feelings.

4. Talk about Feelings

Anxiety is usually a big feeling during any medical procedure for anyone. It might change to anger if they feel their fear isn’t being addressed or if they normally do not display fear. The best thing to do with any kind of emotion no matter the situation is to normalize it. Talk about fear being a normal response to this situation. Talk about a time you experienced fear but went through with it anyway and got to the other side.

I usually talk about fear being normal for a special needs child at the doctors but that if we never did anything scary we would never know how strong we really are. Talk about how growth comes from doing uncomfortable things. I then will talk about the strength that I know she has and that she can do this. To sum it up, normalize the feelings and then give them a pep talk.

Another way to talk about feelings can be with curiosity. Depending on the age of your child a wait and see mentality might do the trick. Something along the lines of I know it looks scary but let’s see what happens. If you really are uncomfortable we can try again another time. Most of the time they get through it the first time though. You can also use curiosity with the explanation of the procedure. For example, this x-ray takes pictures of your bones. Wouldn’t it be neat to see what your arm looks like from the inside?!

5. Treats Afterwards

This won’t work in extreme anxiety but it will help a special needs child at the doctors that are right on the edge of cooperation. You might think to yourself well this is just a bribe. Depending on how you use a treat, it can very well be a bribe. I am not above bribing my child but I prefer to reward or incentivize my child when possible. There is an easy difference if I go into a doctor’s appointment and I tell my child that they are going to get shots today, but they are going to get ice cream afterward if they allow them to get done.

A bribe is in the middle of the child screaming and crying that they are going to get ice cream if they just cooperate that’s a bribe. The general reason why you don’t want to use bribes is that people believe that it sets up a connection with misbehavior and getting a treat. I believe people are a little more complicated than Pavlov’s dog but what do I know?

Either way, if you are in the trenches and you know this works for your child use it. Sometimes I will use the promise of a treat as a distraction during a procedure. Which goes into the next tip.

6. Distraction

Distraction is used as a very effective tool in any unwanted circumstance special needs or not. It, however, is a wonderful way to help a special needs child at the doctors. Think about having music in an MRI, it’s a way to distract from the sounds the machine is making and can help you relax. Both of my children have special toys that they like to play with. This is a great resource because you know it’s always going to be with the child. Have the animal put on a show for your child, dance, sing, make jokes. Whatever you know will get your child’s attention. I find this useful during longer procedures such as getting their blood taken, CT scans, or X-rays. Speaking of a special toy.

7. Take a Special Toy

One of my children brings her special toy everywhere with her no matter what. My other has a special toy but can leave the house without it and be fine. On these special occasions make sure that special toy is in the diaper bag, purse, or backpack. It can give added support and comfort to your child during a trying time and can often times go into the procedure with them. Unlike an adult standing next to them, they can hug their animal.

This makes a special toy invaluable to help a special needs child at the doctors. I have had no issues with this at the places I have been. They sometimes will have to reposition the stuffed animal but have no issues with them taking the animal in with them. Of course, beyond being a scared child you need to let the doctor know what they are up against.

8. Let the Doctor Know

I used to be of the belief that labels were for soup cans and that they weren’t helpful for people. I oftentimes thought it stigmatized my child and made people look at them differently. So I would usually not tell people that they had special needs. This is a pretty old mindset and really creates more stigma, but that’s for another time.

The reality is that especially with autism, someone knows someone who has autism. The awareness is amazing and often times will help them be prepared for behaviors that can be expected with a child with sensory difficulties. To leave them in the dark often times puts them in a position of not having the right tools or expectations. Being detrimental to you, your child, and the doctor.

I have had experiences where people were more helpful and knew just what to do with a child with special needs. I have had other times where the person was incredibly unhelpful and didn’t know what to do with my child. In those times where they didn’t know what to do, they would usually let me take the lead in setting up what I know my child’s needs were and explaining the accommodations that they make for her that would make my life and theirs better. If you take it from this team approach you can usually get things accomplished. Speaking of team.

9. Shared Support

When unexpected events happen (like going to the ER) or even in expected events (like going to the doctor’s) it is always good to have some extra hands. We usually have an entourage when we go to appointments. I will often times have my mother or mother in law come and help as well as my husband. I have 2 children so it’s important for them to be able to wrangle one while the other is not feeling well. They also can be helpful in ways that you might not think of. As the old adage says “2 heads are better than one”. One person might have an app on their phone that they know will distract the child better. Or one might start making balloons out of the gloves (actually happened once).

They also can be a ring of support around the child, letting them know that their feelings are being shared by everyone and everyone is there to help them feel loved and supported enough to be able to do hard and uncomfortable things. As they say, “it takes a village.”

10. Accommodate Special Needs

Another way to help a special needs child at the doctors is by predicting the stimuli they will have difficulty with. My daughter has sensory issues that can make or break a normal day at school, let alone a stressful situation like doctors. Try to predict what stimuli might be difficult for your child. For example, if you know you are going to be taking your special needs child to the doctors, bring alone sunglasses and headphones. As there are going to be bright lights and there may be unpleasant noises.

You can even use these elements in your pretend play by putting glasses and a set of headphones on the stuffed animal. Talk about the stimuli that they are going to be for, so they aren’t surprised and reassure them that someone will be there helping them all the way through. Another way to accommodate special needs is by making the appointment predictable. Pretend with the stuffed animals a couple of times.

Give the child a timeline. Start from about a week in advance. And say, “on such and such a day we are going to the doctors”. “Why don’t we pretend what that will be like?”

The next day remind them again, there will be a change in their normal schedule that they are going to this appointment.

Continue to remind and “practice” until the appointment day arrives. This is incredibly helpful to kiddos who script things and have issues when they stray from their normal routine.

These are the things that I have done with my daughter to win her cooperation and make appointments much more manageable. I am not going to lie and say that she has never had to be held down for vaccinations or at the dentist but they are far and few between now that I use these tips and tricks.

If you have a special needs child what are some ways you use to help at the doctors? Let us know in the comments below. I am always looking for ways to help my daughter, so I would love to hear from you. I hope that these help your child with there experience at a medical or dental office.

Until next time!